The Descent (2005)

"Scream your last breath" reads the tagline for The Descent. There sure is a lot of screaming to be done over this movie because it is the scariest movie I know of! A group of women decide to go spelunking in a cave on the Appalachian Trail and get caved in by a bunch of falling rocks. Bummer. Well, it gets even worse when it turns out that the women are trapped with murderous creatures as well. Double bummer.

The Descent is one of a kind scare because it is multilayered. Eventually, multiple stories cross at the end. Also, it is able to deliver quite a few scares. What starts out as generic yarn with a high number of jump scenes quickly morphs into a claustrophobic creepshow with a high intensity level. For some reason, the jump scenes in this film actually are scary.

This British import from Neil Marshall (Dog Soldiers) is one not be missed. Any horror fan needs to watch this because it is so essential. The story is no more special than any other horror movie, but the way it is delivered is stunning.

A sequel is currently being made.

Note: The Descent is available in two cuts, the theatrical version (the U.S. R-rated version) and the British theatrical version (the Unrated version which includes an alternate ending which was cut for being to grim for American audiences). The Unrated version is highly recommended.

Saw (2004)

You're probably asking yourself why I'm recommending a "torture porn" movie. Read before you decide because Saw is actually quite good. It's extremely graphic and gross violence is not effective, but the story sure is.

Saw is the story of a man who wakes up in decrepit, old room with another man who is chained to a wall along with him. They have six hours to get out otherwise a deadly toxin already in their blood that will kill them eventually. Interspersed in this story is the police investigating the case of a killer named Jigsaw, who builds elaborate traps to teach his prisoners the meaning of life.

Even though this is not many people's movie type, this is the movie that started the word "torture porn". Torture porn is a movie that is very violent and usually sadistic. Saw is both and, unlike the others in this genre, very original. Originally independent, the film garnered press after it was going to be rated NC-17, but then was cut by 10 seconds (which were put back for the DVD) to get an R rating. The film went on to be a blockbuster and get five sequels, the fifth currently in the making.

Heads will roll and so will arms, guts, and other body parts. Saw is genuine and has a great twist at the end that is among the best in cinema history. It is superior to its five sequels (and probably more to come) for the main reason that it does not try to focus on being violent whereas the sequels differ.

Audition (1999)

This film also goes under the title Odishon. In Japanese, with English subtitles.

Nothing is ever what it seems in Takashi Miike's films and the same can be said about Audition. It is a gruesome and disturbing film, but the beginning can be misleading. The film starts out with a man whose wife has recently died. He takes an offer to audition girls who do not know that they are auditioning to be his wife. He picks Asami, yet she is not quite who she seems to be when it turns out that she is a psychopathic murderess.

The scene that everybody remembers so fondly is the final one. Just a warning: it is powerful and yet, it contains not a single shot of what violence is being done under the camera. People mistake the film for being gory, but Miike is a smart man. He chooses not to show a single shot of blood.

Audition is a great piece of horror, but the beginning is not quite what the rest of the movie is. It does not truly get moving until about an hour in. Give this film patience. Also, prepare for torture and some strong graphic scenes. I just want you to know what you're getting into.

Movies You Shouldn't See: Hostel (2005)

Look at the poster. It doesn't get more generic than this. Hostel is a crapshoot, cliche horror movie that does not actually include a single moment of horror. It is the story of two stupid men who let their body below their waist control them when they go to Amsterdam. Things go awry when a seemingly perfect hostel (with topless women) is actually a trap for tourists to kill other tourists. This is why you don't stay in shady places in Europe!

Hostel is among the worst movies I have ever seen for this reason: each scene is either sexual of graphically violent. The first half of the movie is sex scenes compiled in an order to loosely have a plot, but then it fades into violence. Viewers will sure be grossed out by the numerous limbs or other appendages cut off in this film.

The poster boasts Quentin Tarantino as a director, yet Eli Roth actually directed it. They are using Tarantino's name as a poor reason to justify it's violence. Doesn't it disturb you at all that the violence comes dangerously close to a NC-17 rating (but isn't) and Requiem for a Dream actually is? Weird.

To call the Hostel the "scariest American movie in a decade" is a cinematic crime. Nuff said. By the way, it has a sequel. Only another two hours of violence, but this time there's a castration scene.

Jaws (1975)

Everybody know the famous opening in which the shark attacks the woman. I don't feel any need to discuss why the scene is so great because you probably already know. For the rest of you who haven't see the rest of the movie, Jaws is a masterpiece to add to your list. Jaws has a very simple plot: great white shark + 4th of July+ Amity Island= big big problem.

Jaws evokes a primal fear that many horror movies don't. You could be eaten by a shark any day at the beach, but some evil girl is not going to climb out of your television screen. Jaws is slightly realistic which is why it is so scary. Although the chances of an event actually happening like this are slim, you may never go in the water again.

Steven Spielberg does an excellent job on second movie here. The viewer does not actually see the shark for a good 45 minutes and when we do, it has quite an effect. Spielberg uses to subjective shots to put us into the shark's body and make us attack a woman. It adds to the chill factor of the movie.

Some people may say that Jaws is not a horror movie, but I would have to disagree. It is one of the few horror movies to scare me. We can only hope that this will never be remade. Also, I just have one more comment to make: isn't it amazing how a man getting eaten by a shark can get into a PG movie?

Suspiria (1977)

Suspiria is one of the few artful horror pictures that I know of. Dario Argento has directed this "giallo", a pulpy Italian horror movie. His brilliant colors and imagery bring his story to life.

Jessica Harper plays a girl who moves to a ballet in college in Italy. The school seems fine until strange and unexplained events occur. When the girl does some investigating, she finds out that the school is being run by a witches covent.

Dario Argento's direction is the real reason the film is so good. It's eerily bright colors and Goblin soundtrack are spooky and draw the viewer in. In the first and best scene of the film a double murder occurs. The scene is so graphic that it even shows a girl's heart being repeatedly stabbed. The rich color of the blood splashes onto the odd yellow color of the glass behind her.

These days it may be considered a somewhat hokey, obscure foreign movie, but it truly is a horror masterpiece. By the end, it morphs into something so strange and beautiful that it is hard to resist it. One of Dario Argento's better films.

Unfortunately, this film is being remade in America. A poor choice considering the old one is good enough.

Repulsion (1965)

Sometimes you shouldn't just be left alone. One of Roman Polanski's earliest films, Repulsion is a shocker, especially for its time. Unlike the generic horror that comes out these days, Repulsion is psychologically unnerving. There has never been a film and never will be a film to leave you so numb afterwards.

Repulsion is the story of a sexually repressed woman played by Catherine Denevue. She is very shy and does not talk very much at all. When her sister goes out for vacation and leaves her in their apartment by herself, she falls apart and goes crazy.

Perhaps the most memorable and shocking scenes are the rape scenes. The woman often imagines herself being raped by an unknown man. America has become used to rape scenes, but this is different. It is inexplicit, but Polanski makes it go silent so we only hear the ticking of a clock on her nighttable and we only see her struggling under him.

The creativity of this film and clever direction are what has earned its place in celluloid history. Roman Polanki is daring and the story is even more so. Catherine Denevue is superb in her role. The audience is left feeling shocked. Everything is so perfect about this film that I do not think there will ever be another one like this.

P.S.-If Hollywood remakes this, I will begin a rant.

The Strangers (2008)

Based on a true story. Well, sort of. The Strangers is a minimalist thriller that preys on the fear of an unknown assailant trying to hurt and/or kill you. Patience is required to watch this one.

The Strangers is the kind of movie that must have been thought of very quickly. It's about a couple who gets home at one in the morning and is attacked by three people with masks. It doesn't get any simpler than that and the plot doesn't thicken at all either. Don't get me wrong, that's not a bad thing.

Give this movie a chance before you turn it off. There is barely any dialogue in the script. Actually there was more, but it was cut before the movie was released. Also, we never do see the villains' faces. Some people may be angered by this, but those who are really able to see a good horror movie will not.

Another thing many people think about is how much this movie rips off of other home invasion movies. Sorry, but this is absolutely and in no way a remake of the French film Ils (Them). Though it may be similarly themed, they are not related. Funny Games is also similar to this film, yet The Strangers is not meant to be shocking or a cinematic masterpiece.

The Strangers is a good scare for Halloween although it demands the viewer to lend a lot of attention. There is a lot that could have been cut from the film, but wasn't. The Strangers is no longer a strange topic in Hollywood, but this film does bring something new to the table.

Note: This film is available in two cuts, the theatrical cut and the unrated version. They include different endings.

Videodrome (1983)

It's kind of ironic that I'm even telling you to watch this, but I will anyway. Videodrome is a nasty little piece of shock cinema from master director David Cronenberg. Videodrome is perverse, gory, and the ultimate anti-movie movie.

Videodrome is a shocking story all in its own. It is the tale of a man who stumbles across a kinky Asian porn film. When he traces the signal to Pittsburg, he uncovers the fact that the film is a snuff film and that it is not the only thing being transmitted. It also causes people to become incredibly violent.

Cronenberg's groundbreaking imagery is the real reason I recommend this. There is some fantastic special effects and makeup, especially for its time, and does never cease to amaze me. The scene in which the man's stomach vaginates and he actually drops his gun inside is stomach churning, but your eyes are glued to the screen. We watch as he reaches his hand deep into his stomach and we must wonder about the makeup.

Videodrome is a film like no other. You may feel uncomfortable about watching anything on your television for a while. Cronenberg shows his skill in this movie and knows how to creep people out very well.

Fight Club (1999)

"Rule number one: you don't talk about fight club." has become one of the most iconic lines in film. Fight Club is humorous, pulpy, and thrilling all at the same time. The story based on Chuck Palahniuk's book of the same title is about an unnamed man (Edward Norton) who befriends Tyler Durden (Brad Pitt). The two decide to make an underground fight club in the basement of a bar. Everything is perfect until the situation gets out of control.

David Fincher gives his best direction in this film. Tricky camera angles and amazing artistic shots are dotted throughout the film. His camerawork also coincides with the film's quirkiness.

I'm also surprisingly amazed by Helena Bonham Carter and Meat Loaf's performances. Carter plays Tyler and the man's love interests very well. Her character is dark and depressed as in all her other movies. Her performance is fine and slick. Meat Loaf plays a man nicknamed Bitch Tits who has grown breasts after undergoing chemotherapy for cancer.

Palahniuk's quirky and twisted mind carries over into this movie as does the originality of his first novel. David Fincher is at the top of his game, as are the solid performances of the actors. Watch for a major plot twist as well as some subliminal messaging carefully done by Fincher.

Movies You Shouldn't See: Shortbus (2006)

Let's just face it. Shortbus is a full length, artful porn film. Even though it has cinematical value, there is just way too many sex scenes! The plot and movie are meant to be groundbreaking, but it is almost a failure.

Shortbus is about a sex therapist named Sofia (played by Soo-Yin Lee). Sofia is possibly the most ironic character to be seen on film. Why? Because she can't achieve an orgasm. Big whoop. Aside from her, the film also follows a gay couple on the verge of a breakup, a dominatrix, and Sofia's boyfriend. All the characters' stories eventually collide at a club called Shortbus where they experience a sexual awakening.

The thing that draws many people to this film is its long and overwraught sex scenes. Well, I should probably warn you that there is not a scene of simulated sex in this film. Egad! The autofellatio, the masturbation, the gay anal sex. It's all real. Whoever came up with this idea failed. Epically. The sex scenes aren't even erotic.

Be it not for John Cameron Mitchell's direction in non-sex scenes (which there are very few of) and Soo-Yin Lee's performance, the film just falls flat on its face. A porn could be better than this movie, only there is no direction from Mitchell in it. There are better sex movies around that aren't porn, and this just isn't one of them.

Before the Devil Knows You're Dead (2007)

Sidney Lumet's most recent picture is probably his best. Before the Devil Knows You're Dead is a masterpiece on so many levels. This film examines karma in the most powerful ways possible. The convoluted plot starts out with two brothers (Phillip Seymour Hoffman, in one of three films that he did that year, and Ethan Hawke) scheme to rob a jewelry store. This sounds like a boring heist movie, but Hoffman's character has devised a plan to rob his parents jewelry store. You don't see this one everyday. The events that follow are both brutal and powerful.

The plot is nonlinear in a way to show why the characters got what they deserved. As the plots get more and more twisted and intertwined, the characters lives begin to fall apart in front of them. By the end, everybody remains changed forever. The last twenty minutes are so forceful and engaging that they stick with you for at least a day.

Before the Devil Knows You're Dead did not recieve any Academy Award nominations, yet, I believe it could have taken home the Best Picture award had they given it the chance. Sidney Lumet also could have gotten an award for his stark and beautiful imagery.

The film is disturbing and sticks with you for a while. You'll be thinking about it for at least a day. Karma never did seem like such a bad thing until now. The characters show probably have never seen an episode of My Name is Earl and probably should. They could have used it by the end.

P.S.-I still am disgusted by the extremely graphic anal sex scene with Phillip Seymour Hoffman in the beginning. Nobody wants to see that.

The Prisoner of Second Avenue (1975)

The Prisoner of Second Avenue is written by Neil Simon. You know what that means. It's another New York movie and play. This one's about a couple trapped in New York during a heat wave where the power goes out. Sounds like a Seinfeld episode, right? Well, it manages to hold it's ground pretty well for nearly an hour and forty minutes.

Of course it's good if it has Jack Lemmon in it! He is hilarious in it acting next to Anne Bancroft. Both of them put on amazing New Yorker accents for this one.

The film prays on such obvious things which is why it is hilarious. Imagine walking up almost twenty flights of stairs or running out of water. It's pretty funny, especially when you see a couple breaking down as a result of it. For some reason, The Prisoner of Second Avenue isn't known by many people, but it should be. It is much better than most of the comedic crap that comes out in theaters these days. Instead of seeing Superbad, see this.

Oh, and by the way, where ya gonna get the water?

The Son's Room (2001)

This film is also titled La Stanza del Figlio. It is in Italian, subtitled in English.

The Son's Room is a one of a kind Italian masterpiece. It is a dramatic representation of a family in their own crisis. The direction is beautiful and the acting is nearing perfection. A small story blossoms into a tale of emotions.

The Son's Room is about a happy family living in the South of Italy. The son, Andrea, is the perfect son, yet does not live up to the mother and father's expectations like the daughter does. When the son get's into a diving accident and dies from drowning, the family falls apart. No, it's not a remake of Ordinary People.

The ending of this movie is very moving, but at the same time, needs more closure. After a whole film of depression and sadness, it comes to an abrupt halt and it just ends. I am still satisfied with the rest of the movie.

The acting performances in this movie are what carry the viewers through it. Nanni Moretti does an amazing job as the father, Giovanni, and Laura Morente is just as outstanding as the mother, Paola. It's no surprise to me at all that Nanni Moretti won the Golden Palm and the FIPRESCI award at the Cannes Film Festival for his work.

The Son's Room should come as no surprise to you to be an emotional movie. The feelings are felt as strongly in the viewers as they are by the characters. Sadly, this a movie that very few no about. It did not nearly recieve enough acclaim in America as it should have. I'll say it again (because I know you were thinking it) : it isn't a remake of Ordinary People!

Michael Clayton (2007)

Legal thrillers have never been this interesting. Michael Clayton is a drama like no other. It is extremely convoluted and requires a lot of attention. When understood, Michael Clayton is cinematical masterpiece.

The confusing plot of Michael Clayton starts in media res and then cuts to the present. Michael Clayton, who is beautifully played by George Clooney, is a high stakes litigation lawyer. When the biggest case in his career comes up, he is determined to win the case against Karen (Tilda Swinton) at any cost.

One thing that is especially great about this film is it's screenplay. The kickass last scene has some of the best lines in movie history. (SPOILERS) When Michael confronts Karen at the end and she says "Where am I going to get that kind of money?", Michael replies with "Does it look like I'm negotiating to you?". Such witty dialogue! (END SPOILERS).

Michael Clayton is a movie that requires multiple viewings. To understand the film, it must be viewed at least two times. I have seen it three times and finally I fully understand it.

Although I would say it is one of the best movies of last year, it did not deserve a best picture nomination. George Clooney does deserve an Oscar for his stunning performance. See it on HBO currently.

Crash (2004)

There are many films dealing with racism and other serious issues, but this is the best one. Crash is the rightful winner of the 2005 award for Best Picture. The acting, direction, plot, and script are all made to perfection.

Crash tells several heartbreaking stories dealing with racial tensions in Los Angeles. The first tells of a black couple in which the woman is felt up by a white cop when she is arrested. The second tells of a Middle Eastern couple who own a gun shop. The third tells of the cop and his wife who feel the guilt of feeling up the woman. Finally, the fourth is about a hispanic man and his daughter. They all tie in together at a crime scene which deals with a policeman (Don Cheadle).

There are certain scenes that go down in movie history because of the subject matter. The most memorable scene deals with the woman got felt up. She gets into a car accident. The police are sent out, but the officer who tried to arrest her originally is the one who shows up. She has to overcome her racial fears, as does he, and he saves her as she cries in his arms.

Crash is an emotional roller coaster that deserves to be seen by everyone. Boasting a cast of Sandra Bullock, Don Cheadle, Jenifer Esposito, Ludacris, Thandie Newton, Matthew Dillon, Brenan Fraser, and Terrence Howard, one must could expect this film to be nothing short of amazing. Your expectations would be correct. Paul Haggis', who directed this film, career launched as a result of it. He later went on to direct Casino Royale. Crash is one of the best films of all time for the simple reason that it preys on an idea that we have all experienced: racism and humanity.

This film should not be confused with David Cronenberg's NC-17 rated, erotic mess of the same title released nearly ten years prior to this.

Movies You Shouldn't See: House of Wax (2005)

Tuesdays will now be devoted to telling what movies not to see.

There have been many horror movies released in the past few years that are terrible. House of Wax is among the worst. The constant complaints about gore and bad acting are a common stereotype and this film just proves it. Why you would want to make a remake of the classic, I'm not quite sure, but some stupid writer decided they could make my life miserable for two full hours.

House of Wax is a remake of the actually good 1953 Vincent Price film. It is about a group of six twenty somethings who decide to visit an empty wax figure museum. Maybe they should have learned a lesson or two from Scream. Anyway, there are two evil brothers who lurk in the museum waiting to kill them and turn them into wax figures.

The stupidity of this film is immense, but I guess when you boast a cast that includes Paris Hilton its bound to be that way. Let me perform a quick anatomy of a scene for you: There's a scene where Paris Hilton and the boy she is about to have sex with are attacked in the middle of the night. The boyfriend is stabbed because he is black and he obviously didn't stand a chance in a horror movie (which is another poor stereotype). Paris Hilton's idiocracy gets the better of her and she run into the museum where she is stabbed in the foot through a metal grate that she is running around on. The scene comes to an end where she hide behind a car from the brother who is holding a pole. She peeps up and the brother throw the pole and it goes through her head. I don't think I've ever laughed harder. The pole wasn't even sharp!

If I haven't convinced you not to see this just from that description above, I don't know what will. There are many bad horror movies that ooze gore and dumb people and this is just one of them. Whoever did casting needs to be fired and Hollywood should rethink remakes of once good horror movies. They lose their scariness when severed heads talk. That's just not alright.

Persona (1966)

This film is in Swedish, subtitled in English.

Only a master director could direct a movie like this. It just so happens that Ingmar Bergman is a master of film. Persona is possibly his most eerie film and his best. The psychological aspects of it are analyzed frequently and the acting is superb.

Persona is about an actress named Eva Vogler (Liv Ullman) who, for some reason, has forgotten how to speak. A nurse named Alma (Bibi Andersson) is sent to go with Eva when she wants to take a retreat to her house by the beach. As Alma finds it more and more frustrating for her being unable to talk to anyone, she begins to go insane and the two people's personalities eventually meld together.

Persona employs many types of filmmaking, but it's most obscure one is called Brechtitian alienation. This is when the director decides to take the film and cut away to something completely unrelated. The first scene in the movie shows a projector and many other brief images that are seemingly unrelated including an erect penis. Then, Bergman uses this again towards the middle of the film where the film literally rips and then resumes after the sequence of images.

Bergman's stunning direction and the story itself are what merit this film it's place in movie history. Since Persona there have been many movies praying on the same theme such as Fight Club and Single White Female. Personality disorders have been commonly used in movies, but never before like this. Persona is an absolutely revolutionary film that should be viewed by all film fanatics.

Amelie (2001)

This film also goes under the names "Le Fableaux Destin du Amelie Poulain" and "Amelie from Montramarte". In French, subtitled in English.

Amelie is a quirky film in it's own genre and sure to charm anyone who watches it. The French film was released in America during the week of 9/11 and it was exactly what the country needed.

Amelie is about a woman played by the beautiful Audrey Tautou (you may recognize her from The Da Vinci Code) who leads a fantastic life. After charming the lives of seven unhappy Parisians, she finally falls in love. The only problem with this is that Amelie has never been in love. She is a woman who can make other people happy and yet has trouble making herself feel good.

Just like Jean-Pierre Jeunet's other films (A Very Long Engagement, The City of Lost Children), there is a very dream-like feeling to it. Amelie is digitally colored in way to accentuate the surreality of it and cause the viewer to be in a daze of color. The film is generally slightly tinted certain colors just as A Very Long Engagement was tinted yellow.

The French humor in the film is hilarious. I have never seen anything like the scene in which Amelie keeps herself occupied. This is the only scene in the film which is in any way inappropriate. Amelie ponders to herself how many people in the world are having an orgasm at this exact second. In true Jeunet fashion, he shows them as she counts. Her answer is seventeen and she smiles. Odd and yet at the same time very artistic and comical.

Amelie is the perfect movie for a bad day. It is the best feel-good movie that I know of. In fact, I'm pretty sure this film changed my life. It will encourage you to make others and yourself feel happy. Go ahead. Make yourself feel better. Watch Amelie.

Blindness (2008)

Blindness is a movie like no other. Although it may fall short of the book's immense power, it still retains much of it. To those who have not read Jose Sarmago's book, it is about a world where people are suddenly going blind. When a opthamologist's wife (Julianne Moore) does not go blind, she is forced to watch all the terrors that surround her as all the blind are quarantined in an old mental hospital.

I see an Academy Award nomination in this film's future for the absolutely stunning visuals from Fernando Mereilles (City of God). His amazing direction shows the contrast in the world between light and dark which helps the often allegorical story.

There are immense differences between the book and the film. Although I have not yet finished reading the book, I have heard that the ending takes the story in a different direction than it had originally. This may be true, but the movie and book should be taken as two different things. Jose Sarmago's Pulitzer Prize winning vision of the story is of course going to be different than Fernando Mereille's vision of it. The film is of course visual, but the book creates a different kind of confusion. It creates a mental image of blindness whereas the movie is very blunt about it.

With stunning performances from Julianne Moore and Gael Garcia Bernal as a bad guy whose scenes are hard to watch, it seems impossible that reviewers could have possibly panned this. It's to bad that they can't see the beauty in Blindness.

Eastern Promises (2007)

As my first post, I have selected Eastern Promises.

Eastern Promises is a movie starring Naomi Watts and Viggo Mortnesen and directed by David Cronenberg. The harrowing tale tells of a midwife named Tatiana who helps a fourteen year old girl give birth. The girl soon dies while giving birth. Tatiana finds the diary and asks her Russian father to translate it. After seeing what a violent life she has had, she looks for the person who has abused her. She is lead to Nikolai, a member of the Russian mob.

Eastern Promises is the movie you wanted to see last year, but didn't get to. Mortensen (who got an Academy Award Nomination for this) and Watts give stunning performances. Cronenberg gives amazing direction as usual to this gritty crime drama. Everyone's favorite scene seems to be the bath house scene in which Viggo Mortensen fights two men...in the nude. A twist ending also helps the story along. See for yourself. It is currently airing on HBO.