Movies You Shouldn't See: House of Wax (2005)

Tuesdays will now be devoted to telling what movies not to see.

There have been many horror movies released in the past few years that are terrible. House of Wax is among the worst. The constant complaints about gore and bad acting are a common stereotype and this film just proves it. Why you would want to make a remake of the classic, I'm not quite sure, but some stupid writer decided they could make my life miserable for two full hours.

House of Wax is a remake of the actually good 1953 Vincent Price film. It is about a group of six twenty somethings who decide to visit an empty wax figure museum. Maybe they should have learned a lesson or two from Scream. Anyway, there are two evil brothers who lurk in the museum waiting to kill them and turn them into wax figures.

The stupidity of this film is immense, but I guess when you boast a cast that includes Paris Hilton its bound to be that way. Let me perform a quick anatomy of a scene for you: There's a scene where Paris Hilton and the boy she is about to have sex with are attacked in the middle of the night. The boyfriend is stabbed because he is black and he obviously didn't stand a chance in a horror movie (which is another poor stereotype). Paris Hilton's idiocracy gets the better of her and she run into the museum where she is stabbed in the foot through a metal grate that she is running around on. The scene comes to an end where she hide behind a car from the brother who is holding a pole. She peeps up and the brother throw the pole and it goes through her head. I don't think I've ever laughed harder. The pole wasn't even sharp!

If I haven't convinced you not to see this just from that description above, I don't know what will. There are many bad horror movies that ooze gore and dumb people and this is just one of them. Whoever did casting needs to be fired and Hollywood should rethink remakes of once good horror movies. They lose their scariness when severed heads talk. That's just not alright.